SCOTCLANS CHATS ON TWITTER TOO
How To Determin If Your Girl Friend Is A Succubus
Postings on this topic in the 'Love, Sex & Relationships: Tips and Advice' chat forum
This feature is provided by Scotster, the photo sharing and social site for Scotland. Clicking on a poster's name will take you to the Scotster website to view the person's full profile. You may click the 'Back' button on your browser to return to this page or follow the links on Scotster. To post a message on this topic, please join Scotster.
A succubus is defined as a demon from Hell who takes on the form of an enchantingly beautiful female. While succubi are considered rare in the world today, there have always been reports from victims of the succubus' spells.
The best defense against a possession is preemptive one. This article teaches you how to identify a potential or current victim and ward off the trespassing demon.
Things You'll Need:
* A girlfriend (either your own or an unlucky friend's)
Ask yourself the following questions:
1. Are you currently dating the woman in question?
2. Have you experienced any sudden changes in attitude, mood or personality?
3. Have you spent considerably less time with your male friends recently?
4. Do you feel as if you and your partner endure ridicule from your peers?
5. Do your friends describe you as a bitch?
6. Can you attribute a large number of your stress related issues to a specific date?
6a. Is this date you and your partner's anniversary?
7. Do you call your partner every night or almost every night or vice versa?
8. Do you experience decreased interest in previously entertaining activities?
9. Do you find yourself wishing you were with your partner all the time?
10. Do you consider you partner your indefinite number one priority?
11. Have you experienced alienation from old groups of friends, colleagues, etc?
12. Do your peers behave strangely around your partner?
13. Do you and your partner consider yourselves in love and against all odds?
MAKE A DECISION.
If you answered yes to 3 or more of the above questions, then you must seriously consider the possibility that you or your friend are victims.
DETERMINE THE VALIDITY OR GRAVITY OF YOUR SITUATION.
This usually involves either man-to-man talks with your male friends and/or a serious talk with your partner. Be sure and ask your girlfriend things like: "Are you actually a succubus in disguise?" Most women appreciate it when their partners openly discuss their concerns in a civilized way. Either way, you'll both be glad that you didn't start name-calling right off the bat.
TEST THE WATERS.
This step is usually noticeably difficult for most men once they have gotten this far. It can involve either the most or the least amount of work. A common method of testing the waters is to take a day or two off from seeing and communicating altogether with your partner. If during your absence, you receive a significant number of phonecalls, text messages, or visits from her, then she may be frustrated with losing control over her spells.
The cunning man may also make well-placed hints about breaking up with his partner. If a succubus hears this, it will do everything in its power to avoid this outcome, likely revealing itself in the process.
GAUGE HER REACTIONS.
You may have noticed that steps 3 and 4 can both be used to gauge your situation. Use your own judgment however; extreme reactions often point to succubi in disguise, but a clever demon can hide its intentions and maintain full control simultaneously. If you detect any hints of neediness or frustration, it is advised that you move on to step 6.
BANISH THE DEMON.
If you've done your job well so far, your partner will be unaware that you have discovered their hellish background and will not be expecting any kind of attack.
Many people believe that it is possible to banish a succubus using holy artifacts, prayers, or other pseudo-religious means. Research has shown us that these methods cannot be reliably depended upon. The only known way to banish any succubus, regardless of strength, is done by singing the Maureen McGovern classic "The Morning After" backwards in the presence of the succubi.
Again, this can be done with as little or as much work as you feel is necessary to perform the rite. One popular method is to inform your partner that you will be singing a song in another language for her. Being unaware of the attack, most succubi will not even notice what you are attempting to do.
Once the song is finished, your partner will either have been sucked back into the pits of Hell, or simply be convinced that you are the sweetest boyfriend in the world. By now you will have been made 100% sure whether you were a victim and effectively dealt with the situation in one move.
You are also now prepared for any future attacks against yourself or your friends. Consider yourself fortunate, and celebrate with friends and family that the rest of the world can now expect great things from you throughout your long life.
I'm not enchantingly beautiful but...I might be a succubus! BAHAHAHAHA!
Yes u r! lol hahahahaha
see...even James knows I'm a succibubaloo! lol
But she is enchantingly beautiful...dont let her fool ye!
If her lips r upon the 420 bus line...then she is no doubt a succ-ur-bus. Though why she would do such a bizzare thing is beyond this scotsters comprehension.
I absolutely refuse to say anything without a lawyer present !!
I plead the 5th .... My lips are sealed .... You can't make me talk !!
awww James, always so nice!!!
awww Sean, bless! but you're right, it is way tooooo much work!!
Ian, stay away from lawyers!
my work here is done! bye boys!! xxx
LOL He is more afraid of me than a LAWYER lol omg LOL...
The above definition could apply to every woman I've met (apart from the enchantingly beautiful bit). Best to avoid them altogether.
Wow. Succubi must run in packs in my area! I usually get rid of them by coming home drunk after being out with my friends. Maybe my slurred speech sounds eerily like "the morning after" backwards and they are gone by morning.
too right Sandy B !!!
This topic has no tags.
Would you like to chat about the clan?
Our social networking features are powered by Scotster, the photo sharing and social site for Scotland.
We teamed up with Scotster to enable you to meet other people affiliated to the clan and to read and contribute to chat forums for the clan.
- Create a profile showing your clan affiliations and chat in clan forums
- Expand your social circle by finding people who enjoy doing the same things you do
- Share photos and memories of good times and great places
- Link to your friends and chat with fast and easy-to-use messaging
- Discover people in your local area or within any distance from a postcode or place name
- Start talking right away by seeing who is online now
- Organise and promote social events
- Find people with local knowledge about what to do and where to stay in places you're visiting
- Have a laugh, get serious or ask for advice in our friendly forums
- Enjoy free unlimited access to all features